A Word from the Word on Character Qualities

    As for biblical mandates where the wife of a pastor is concerned,
there are none save for the general requirements for that of a godly
woman and/ or helpmate (Prov. 31, Titus 2, Eph. 5, 1 Peter 3).
However, there is one verse listed among the qualifications of a
deacon that appears to reference his spouse. We won't debate here
whether this verse is addressed to a deacon's wife or deaconess, but it
stands to reason that this woman is a servant within the body and is
called upon to meet certain standards. I am referring to 1 Timothy
3:11 which reads, "Even so must their wives be grave, not slanderers,
sober, faithful in all things" (KJV).
    In understanding the importance of embracing one's own personality
and giftedness, I have particularly benefited from the testimony of
Lois Evans (wife of Oak Cliff Bible Church's pastor, Dr. Tony Evans).
She is quick to credit her husband with giving her the freedom to
express herself within the body of Christ. Mrs. Evans shares openly
about the anxieties she faced in her beginning years of being the wife
of a senior pastor, a position she told God she never wanted. There
came a point when Tony set her free by telling her he only wanted her
to be herself. "I don't know why that was such a big deal," she says,
"but it brought me to a reality that yes, God created me to be me, and
even before He placed me in my mother's womb, He had a plan for my
life."3 I am so grateful to have a husband who also has given his blessing
for me to be a sanctified version of the girl he married loud mouth
and all.
    I can honestly say we are each other's biggest cheerleader. Any
real or perceived expectations I felt to be anything more or different
never came from him. I have talked with many, many ministry wives
on this particular subject. Every single one of them has shared that her
husband's support and encouragement was paramount in her feeling
the freedom to be true to her calling and personality.
    In addition to being calm and collected, there is further implication
of sobriety. The word also means "to be circumspect or heedful
of circumstances and potential consequences; prudent."4
    Here is where we can all use a good warning: A woman of sobriety
is a woman of pause. She thinks before she acts. She prays before
she speaks. This is calm and collected in action. Let me give you an
example.